The Empowerment Experience

What is the deal with wanting to immediately feel better the minute anxiety, stress, anger, sadness or any of those other supposed “bad” emotions show up?

“Duh!” you’re probably thinking, “who wants to feel bad all the time, or at all?  After all, it’s uncomfortable, it’s dreary, I feel drained, weak, like a burden…”

Right, totally get that.  But I’m here to tell you that if your aim is to always “feel better” then you miss the mark entirely of your miraculous human-ness.

Working with clients and being in the field of personal growth, I hear a lot about how:

• simply changing your thoughts can radically change your experience
• thinking positively and focusing only on the good will lead to manifesting abundance
• acting “as if” will help you attract the very experiences you want to be having
• replacing the negative tapes in your head with affirmations heals wounds from the past.

And to a certain extent, I absolutely believe these things too and have said similar things to my own clients.

However, while the above coping mechanisms have some truth to them, I get really curious about the sheer drive we as a society have about always needing to “feel better,” to cheer up those around us if they’ve got their glum galoshes on and to constantly need to escape “bad” feelings. 

It’s like the only acceptable way to be is happy, “Zen,” balanced and content.

Yet, aren’t we then missing a huge part of the human equation if we’re always striving to feel good?

• The part where we learn to embrace the entirety of our wondrous emotional being-ness.
• The part where what we feel, we heal.
• The part where we become artful masters at the practice of self-compassion, which then leads to extending compassion to others.
• The part where in the midst of letting ourselves feel all of our feelings, grief, rage, loss and loneliness, we begin saying yes to our immensity, eternity and capacity.
• The part where we learn to lead with our hearts for the benefit of all.

Know that I don’t have the desire for anyone to feel bad all the time, not at all.

Yet, the next time challenging emotions arose in your experience what would happen if instead of trying to feel better, you simply got better at feeling?

Getting better at feeling might look like:

• Saying “yes” to every experience that arises in you without doing anything to make it worse or bigger.
• Saying “yes” to every experience that arises in you without minimizing it by shrugging your shoulders and saying “whatever” or “I’m over it” when you’re really not.
• Turning towards the emotion or experience you’d rather deny, shame and avoid and commit to compassionately holding space for it as long as is needed.
• Talking about your tough times and emotional upsets without apology or shame.
• Acknowledging that all emotions are neither good nor bad but simply are; that emotions contain important information about what we authentically need; and that all emotions are always valid.
• Asking for help and/or being willing to receive support, witnessing, guidance, care and love when it is offered.

You picking up what I’m laying down?

Now seriously, what would it look like for you to get better at feeling instead of striving for feeling better?  What do you think would happen? What would this mean for you?

Leave a comment below and share this with your people.  I really want to know what you think!

In Service,

M.

 

 

 

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